How debt affects your relationships

Getting on the same page about debt is a powerful way for couples to strengthen their bond and work together toward a better financial future. Couples who tackle their financial obligations as a team often learn to support each other through all of life’s challenges. A collaborative approach to managing debt, whether it's DIY or professional help with consolidation or debt resolution, could help you both foster a deeper understanding of the other’s priorities and dreams. 

Let’s look at the impact of debt on your relationships and how it’s possible to forge a stronger bond despite owing money. 

Debt can affects romantic relationships

For many people, money represents security. When anything threatens that security, emotions can ride high. Several surveys show that debt certainly impacts finances, but it may have an equally large effect on relationships:

• About two-thirds of adults say they’ve considered postponing marriage to avoid inheriting a partner’s debt.

• 20% of divorced people claim debt contributed to their marital split, and even more think debt is a reason to consider divorce.

• Couples in agreement about debt report higher levels of relationship satisfaction.

Debt can touches more than your bank account

The nasty thing about debt is how easily it leads to a physical or mental hole. Debt stress can lead to feeling anxious, irritable, depressed, or simply sad. And stress can lead to physical symptoms, which may negatively impact your relationships. The Cleveland Clinic says the stress of debt can impact your health and cause the following to your body:

• Aches and pains

• Chest pain or a feeling like your heart is racing

• Exhaustion or trouble sleeping

• High blood pressure

• Headaches, dizziness, or shaking

• Stomach or digestive issues

• Weakened immune system

When you don’t feel like yourself, it’s tough to put energy into relationships—even important ones. You may find yourself backing out of social events because of headaches or stomach issues. You may not have the energy for activities you used to find enjoyable. When you get to this point, you know it’s time to do something about it. 

Your relationship can survive debt

Whether you’re concerned about the effect of your debt on a partner, friend, or family member, debt is a situation you can overcome. As you tackle debt, you can enlist support and, ultimately, strengthen your relationships. 

Here’s how to get started:

Be honest

Debt didn’t happen overnight. Chances are, it happened slowly enough that you didn’t notice it creeping up on you. But even if a huge medical bill hits you like an unexpected wave, it’s natural to deny what’s happening, at least until you feel strong enough to handle it.

Before anything else, be honest about your situation. Review your monthly budget and decide if you’re carrying too much debt. That may be the case if it cuts into your ability to pay bills or pursue your goals. 

Once you’re honest with yourself, it’s time to come clean with the people you care about the most. There’s no shame in facing debt, even if you’re tempted to blame yourself. If you fear debt is standing between you and someone you care about, tell them what’s going on.

Ask for support

This is a chance to strengthen your relationship while you formulate a plan to make debt a thing of the past. Ask your partner or other trusted confidant to be your accountability partner. Let them know you’re working on a financial plan to pay off credit card or other debt and want their help.

Say your plan involves using cash and envelope budgeting instead of a credit or debit card to pay miscellaneous expenses. Ask if they’ll check in once a month to see how it’s going. Let them know you’re far more likely to stick with your plan if you know they’re going to conduct regular wellness checks. 

If you're especially close to a person—perhaps someone you live with—make it a team effort. Ask them to help you create a plan to repay existing debt and design a new budget that works for both of you. 

Celebrate the small successes

Most things in life are easier when you know you have something nice to look forward to. Decide with your support partner how you’d like to celebrate each success. You might decide to go out to a baseball game or a movie once you’ve knocked down 10% of your debt. 

Save the big prize for when you’ve paid off the debt entirely. It could be something like a weekend getaway or a party. 

Give the other person grace (and yourself, too)

Try to look at the debt from the other person’s point of view. Perhaps knowing you’re in debt scares them. They may be afraid for your financial future, or maybe they’ve already dealt with their own debt and are anxious about tackling yours. 

Remember that some people react emotionally to money-related issues. Give them the space to feel (and say) anything that needs to be felt or said. At the same time, give yourself grace. You don’t have to fix this situation overnight. You’re doing great as long as you’re moving in the right direction. 

If the best move for you is professional help to get rid of debt, that’s okay. You can expect it to take time and effort, but you’ll get there. In the meantime, view this situation as an opportunity to be honest with the people you love and to allow those who love you to offer support.